Tuesday, September 30, 2008
BrickFish
Here's an exciting update. Brickfish does scholarships in the form of competitions, and the current competition is for your most original photo. I've since created an account and posted several images for the competition. Come check them out and at this site...
http://www.brickfish.com/fotoneurotic
Come look at my pics, and vote for your favorite ones. I'll be treating this like a home away from home away from blogspot lol So i'll be using it more for images than blogspot, as there I have a chance to win money. :)
http://www.brickfish.com/fotoneurotic
Come look at my pics, and vote for your favorite ones. I'll be treating this like a home away from home away from blogspot lol So i'll be using it more for images than blogspot, as there I have a chance to win money. :)
Monday, September 29, 2008
Financial Stresses of the World
As I look at the Dow jump up and down points from day to day, depending on the Governments decision on a bailout for big businesses, conglomerates, who raise prices to pack their own wallets, I begin to wonder if people realize they are in actual control of their own global economy.
Essentially the principles are simple.
Supply and demand
We want oil, production of oil goes up, and the more we're willing to pay for it the higher it goes up. So what happens if we decide to use it less?
We want houses. Hundreds and thousands of builders want to make money off our our demand for houses (people get mortgages to buy 1-5-umpteen homes, one to live in, others to rent, some to visit) and as a result they all want money, so they charge the same price as nice homes though they built theirs cheaper than others, thereby creating a lower-end home for a higher price which in ten years people end up owning more than their home is worth. What happens if we didn't have so many homes we weren't using? What happens if we only bought the place where we lived and didn't worry about trying to get a mortgage on a place we were only going to visit once every three months...?
Our government is looking at buying companies which are closing their doors due to bankruptcy, yet in their lack of money they were able to give payouts to CEO's who were retiring within the last year in the millions and up to over a HUNDRED MILLION dollars. But they're closing their doors and asking the government to step in and keep them from closing down.
So what if some pencil pushers lose their jobs
We have a great need for people in the medical fields, and in engineering jobs, and we have people becoming financial advisors because it's good pay, little education (no need for a 12 year degree in financing...lol) and all of a sudden there's an influx of them. Why should the american people pay out through their taxes to pay for companies who over charge us for a place to live. (all be it they do other things as well, I'm not interested in focusing on the other issues they're causing in their over priced mark-ups)...
I don't wany my tax money to go to financial institutions.
I don't want my tax money going to over-sized pocket books.
I want my tax money going into roads, grants, scholarships, schools, clean energy, things that make the world a better place.
Financially we've become a lazy people.
We buy more than we earn, we pay debt off as slowly as possible in order to have more things, in order to keep up with the NEW. We vacation more than we work (honestly I don't, I haven't been on a vacation in longer than I can remember, I think the last time was before I turned 16 and we went to a family reunion in another state and made some stops along the way...) That's been almost ten years. We became a nation all about NEW things, and when something new comes out we all want it.
For the better part there are a lot of older things which work as well as newer things. I have a 4x5 field camera, it's a Burke & James, if memory serves me correctly I believe it's from the 60's. It works as well as my Cannon Rebel 2000, only I get better resolution and control from the 4x5 than I do the 35 mm Rebel.
At what point do we stop buying things? At what point do we take control of our own markets and say "we're taking control of your production, we're not buying your goods until the price matches what it's worth is." Shows on HGTV hosting the sale of homes across the country give good eye to the national housing market, I'm sorry but a 800 sq ft home in chicago is not worth $300,000. I also don't feel like a 3,100 sq ft. home in central Utah is worth $239,000 but it's a lot better deal, and seems more reasonably priced per square foot.
If no one buys the over-priced, no one sells the over-priced, and it drops in price until it's reasonable. Control the market by controlling what you buy, and when you buy it.
I feel bad for people losing their jobs because of their employers lack of discretion and wisdom. If your leading of a company gives you a hundred million dollar bonus, you had better have left your company in better status than you found it in, not floundering ready to collapse and declare bankruptcy. Otherwise take the bonus and put it back into the company. Buy stocks in it, allowing it to have the money it desperately needs to stay afloat.
If a company is needing money, let it sell stocks, let it be invested in by wealthy private individuals and let their money allow the company to stay afloat. It is not the responsibility of a governing force to keep your company alive, it is your sole responsibility as a responsible business manager, CEO, CFO, board of directors, etc, etc, etc to keep your company in good health, and if their financial standing is hurting yours should be too, just because you work there doesn't entitle you to a bonus greater than the average-working persons ANNUAL take home. I don't care what your contract says. Give it back.
If the people with money, those who have influential say in our nation, world, etc, are so concerned with a certain situation of a company, let them invest their own moneys into it rather than recommending a nation tax its people heavier in order to bail some unwise companies from their failing businesses.
Had England taxed her colonies relentlessly for her own gain, and for the gain of those in high places then her colonies would have revolted against their motherland and brought forth a New Nation. Oh wait, THEY DID! Why are we repeating history? It is not the governments responsibility to fix the problem of every Tom Dick and Harry who have a failing business. It's their responibility to keep us safe, and to justly carry out the collective decision of the people within it, not to tax us for the gain of the few with money.
Essentially the principles are simple.
Supply and demand
We want oil, production of oil goes up, and the more we're willing to pay for it the higher it goes up. So what happens if we decide to use it less?
We want houses. Hundreds and thousands of builders want to make money off our our demand for houses (people get mortgages to buy 1-5-umpteen homes, one to live in, others to rent, some to visit) and as a result they all want money, so they charge the same price as nice homes though they built theirs cheaper than others, thereby creating a lower-end home for a higher price which in ten years people end up owning more than their home is worth. What happens if we didn't have so many homes we weren't using? What happens if we only bought the place where we lived and didn't worry about trying to get a mortgage on a place we were only going to visit once every three months...?
Our government is looking at buying companies which are closing their doors due to bankruptcy, yet in their lack of money they were able to give payouts to CEO's who were retiring within the last year in the millions and up to over a HUNDRED MILLION dollars. But they're closing their doors and asking the government to step in and keep them from closing down.
So what if some pencil pushers lose their jobs
We have a great need for people in the medical fields, and in engineering jobs, and we have people becoming financial advisors because it's good pay, little education (no need for a 12 year degree in financing...lol) and all of a sudden there's an influx of them. Why should the american people pay out through their taxes to pay for companies who over charge us for a place to live. (all be it they do other things as well, I'm not interested in focusing on the other issues they're causing in their over priced mark-ups)...
I don't wany my tax money to go to financial institutions.
I don't want my tax money going to over-sized pocket books.
I want my tax money going into roads, grants, scholarships, schools, clean energy, things that make the world a better place.
Financially we've become a lazy people.
We buy more than we earn, we pay debt off as slowly as possible in order to have more things, in order to keep up with the NEW. We vacation more than we work (honestly I don't, I haven't been on a vacation in longer than I can remember, I think the last time was before I turned 16 and we went to a family reunion in another state and made some stops along the way...) That's been almost ten years. We became a nation all about NEW things, and when something new comes out we all want it.
For the better part there are a lot of older things which work as well as newer things. I have a 4x5 field camera, it's a Burke & James, if memory serves me correctly I believe it's from the 60's. It works as well as my Cannon Rebel 2000, only I get better resolution and control from the 4x5 than I do the 35 mm Rebel.
At what point do we stop buying things? At what point do we take control of our own markets and say "we're taking control of your production, we're not buying your goods until the price matches what it's worth is." Shows on HGTV hosting the sale of homes across the country give good eye to the national housing market, I'm sorry but a 800 sq ft home in chicago is not worth $300,000. I also don't feel like a 3,100 sq ft. home in central Utah is worth $239,000 but it's a lot better deal, and seems more reasonably priced per square foot.
If no one buys the over-priced, no one sells the over-priced, and it drops in price until it's reasonable. Control the market by controlling what you buy, and when you buy it.
I feel bad for people losing their jobs because of their employers lack of discretion and wisdom. If your leading of a company gives you a hundred million dollar bonus, you had better have left your company in better status than you found it in, not floundering ready to collapse and declare bankruptcy. Otherwise take the bonus and put it back into the company. Buy stocks in it, allowing it to have the money it desperately needs to stay afloat.
If a company is needing money, let it sell stocks, let it be invested in by wealthy private individuals and let their money allow the company to stay afloat. It is not the responsibility of a governing force to keep your company alive, it is your sole responsibility as a responsible business manager, CEO, CFO, board of directors, etc, etc, etc to keep your company in good health, and if their financial standing is hurting yours should be too, just because you work there doesn't entitle you to a bonus greater than the average-working persons ANNUAL take home. I don't care what your contract says. Give it back.
If the people with money, those who have influential say in our nation, world, etc, are so concerned with a certain situation of a company, let them invest their own moneys into it rather than recommending a nation tax its people heavier in order to bail some unwise companies from their failing businesses.
Had England taxed her colonies relentlessly for her own gain, and for the gain of those in high places then her colonies would have revolted against their motherland and brought forth a New Nation. Oh wait, THEY DID! Why are we repeating history? It is not the governments responsibility to fix the problem of every Tom Dick and Harry who have a failing business. It's their responibility to keep us safe, and to justly carry out the collective decision of the people within it, not to tax us for the gain of the few with money.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
CS3 Strikes AGAIN!
After spending a couple hours on a project in CS3 photoshop last night I had not yet saved the file and Photoshop crashed...
you can stop laughing it's not that funny when it's after midnight and due within 48 hours..... lol
So today i've been working on the same projects and creating this nice lower thirds piece for a live broadcast, but this time I worked on it in Illustrator. The issue being now I need to modify some things in photoshop.... I tried PDF's and even exporting in PNG but either of those flattens the graphics and doesn't allow you to work on the individual layers when you open them up in Photoshop.... The solution?
PSD
Save as a PSD (kinda numbingly obvious after the fact right....Photoshop file for a document you want to edit in photoshop).... It allows you to decide if you want to flatten the image or not. That's the trick, then you can open it in photoshop and do your things. Just make sure to save often, and so not save over the same file....make ten copies between creation and final, that way you can go back to any edition of the project that you want, without having to re-create anything, or undo more than is kept in your history.
you can stop laughing it's not that funny when it's after midnight and due within 48 hours..... lol
So today i've been working on the same projects and creating this nice lower thirds piece for a live broadcast, but this time I worked on it in Illustrator. The issue being now I need to modify some things in photoshop.... I tried PDF's and even exporting in PNG but either of those flattens the graphics and doesn't allow you to work on the individual layers when you open them up in Photoshop.... The solution?
PSD
Save as a PSD (kinda numbingly obvious after the fact right....Photoshop file for a document you want to edit in photoshop).... It allows you to decide if you want to flatten the image or not. That's the trick, then you can open it in photoshop and do your things. Just make sure to save often, and so not save over the same file....make ten copies between creation and final, that way you can go back to any edition of the project that you want, without having to re-create anything, or undo more than is kept in your history.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Political Irony
The Democrats brought to the table:
A Woman (minority)
a Man not of caucasian race (dare I say black? Hope I don't offend anyone)
They are applauded for being so diverse.
The Republicans bring:
A Mormon
A man of forgetable relgious and professional experience (who contended strongly against the mormon defiantly to his losing his chance for Really running for office)
John McCain
Some time later McCain wins the chance to be able to run for office.
Some time later McCain chooses a WOMAN to be his running-mate.
Democrats scorn Republicans for having a female running mate to "pull the womans vote" because she's be the first Female VP.
Didn't the democrats show they were trying to pull the vote by pushing mainly two people? Both of whom are politically considered minorities? Aren't they trying to pull the votes through their own wily ways?
They do it and the MEDIA applaudes them
The Republicans (heaven forbid they be the same political party as the current president who no one likes because he's the easy scape-goat for them to pick on) are scorned for their choice as an attempt to pull ahead from a "lacking campaign".
Media coverage - BIASED
So much for people who present the TRUTH and allow viewers to choose opinions for themselves. Apparently we need to be spoon-fed our own opinions these days too.
A Woman (minority)
a Man not of caucasian race (dare I say black? Hope I don't offend anyone)
They are applauded for being so diverse.
The Republicans bring:
A Mormon
A man of forgetable relgious and professional experience (who contended strongly against the mormon defiantly to his losing his chance for Really running for office)
John McCain
Some time later McCain wins the chance to be able to run for office.
Some time later McCain chooses a WOMAN to be his running-mate.
Democrats scorn Republicans for having a female running mate to "pull the womans vote" because she's be the first Female VP.
Didn't the democrats show they were trying to pull the vote by pushing mainly two people? Both of whom are politically considered minorities? Aren't they trying to pull the votes through their own wily ways?
They do it and the MEDIA applaudes them
The Republicans (heaven forbid they be the same political party as the current president who no one likes because he's the easy scape-goat for them to pick on) are scorned for their choice as an attempt to pull ahead from a "lacking campaign".
Media coverage - BIASED
So much for people who present the TRUTH and allow viewers to choose opinions for themselves. Apparently we need to be spoon-fed our own opinions these days too.
I'd be hung if I was overheard publicly saying this in most states.
So I've been thinking
"Let me tell ya'll what it's like, bein male, middle class and white. It's a b**** if you don't believe, tune in to my new cd." "No you don't know what it's like, to be kicked, when you're down, to feel like you've been pushed around, to be on the verge of breaking down, and no understands me, well you don't know what it's like, welcome to my life."
Some excerpts from a song that came out, oh, probably ten years ago by this point. I have been looking at scholarships online recently. One that is being offered, actually, several are offering scholarships requiring a video submission. One imparticularly wants the students to focus on a controversial topic that applies to them at their particular school. I was thinking about it...And I think I have one that I'd like to do (if I had the time, or the ability to).
I think I would get fried if it ever got on the news. It might even get thrown out before it even gets to the people who are important enough to make a decision about the award based on the video. My thought was this:
In an effort to equalize the world we've become imbalanced in many aspects. For example.
- Minorities now have more say than majorities, because we're so afraid they won't be listened to that we give them more say than their numbers account for.
- Those of Ethnic backgrounds OTHER than caucasian are treated differently for fear of them being offended by not getting extra attention due to their ethnic background.
- Paying for offenses made to great great great great grandchildren of those who were mistreated. I'm sorry, make a correction, but there's no reason to pay for it for the rest of their lives. If a proper correction was made in the first place than theoretically from that generation on when the correction was made the overall standard of living should be better, if not, is it anothers fault that they didn't do what they could have with what they were given the second time around?
- We have BET, Black Entertainment Television. If I started "WET" it would either be taken off the air for being racist (White Entertainment Television) or it would probably be looked up next to porn in all the yahoo searches, which would give the wrong publicity and therefore can the programming entirely as well as emberass the hosting station.
If I was on television discussing with someone what it's like coming from a middle class perhaps working class family, being caucasian, and male, and even try to mention about how life is hard and how being male, middle or lower-class and white prevents me from the benefits that I would have were I female, upper-class, or of a different ethnic background... Chances are it would stay in the news for a week, about an hour positively and for the next 6 days and 23 hours news anchors around the world would crucify my plight on the 6:00 news and any chance they got to online.
It doesn't matter that I make less than $20,000 a year, and that I have made less than that for the past 8 years consecutively. It doesn't matter that my family went without a vehicle for four years in an area with no public transportation, no nearby grocery stores, and no roads conducive to auto and cycling traffic. They wouldn't care that I've been taking student loans trying to get an education and have low grades due to being over-stressed from working full-time and going to school full-time. None of those things would matter.
Because I'm not a minority.
Greenday has a song, it kinda goes along the lines of what I'm saying, well, I'm not sure because it's been a while since I've listened to it. The title is this:
I want to be a minority.
"Let me tell ya'll what it's like, bein male, middle class and white. It's a b**** if you don't believe, tune in to my new cd." "No you don't know what it's like, to be kicked, when you're down, to feel like you've been pushed around, to be on the verge of breaking down, and no understands me, well you don't know what it's like, welcome to my life."
Some excerpts from a song that came out, oh, probably ten years ago by this point. I have been looking at scholarships online recently. One that is being offered, actually, several are offering scholarships requiring a video submission. One imparticularly wants the students to focus on a controversial topic that applies to them at their particular school. I was thinking about it...And I think I have one that I'd like to do (if I had the time, or the ability to).
I think I would get fried if it ever got on the news. It might even get thrown out before it even gets to the people who are important enough to make a decision about the award based on the video. My thought was this:
In an effort to equalize the world we've become imbalanced in many aspects. For example.
- Minorities now have more say than majorities, because we're so afraid they won't be listened to that we give them more say than their numbers account for.
- Those of Ethnic backgrounds OTHER than caucasian are treated differently for fear of them being offended by not getting extra attention due to their ethnic background.
- Paying for offenses made to great great great great grandchildren of those who were mistreated. I'm sorry, make a correction, but there's no reason to pay for it for the rest of their lives. If a proper correction was made in the first place than theoretically from that generation on when the correction was made the overall standard of living should be better, if not, is it anothers fault that they didn't do what they could have with what they were given the second time around?
- We have BET, Black Entertainment Television. If I started "WET" it would either be taken off the air for being racist (White Entertainment Television) or it would probably be looked up next to porn in all the yahoo searches, which would give the wrong publicity and therefore can the programming entirely as well as emberass the hosting station.
If I was on television discussing with someone what it's like coming from a middle class perhaps working class family, being caucasian, and male, and even try to mention about how life is hard and how being male, middle or lower-class and white prevents me from the benefits that I would have were I female, upper-class, or of a different ethnic background... Chances are it would stay in the news for a week, about an hour positively and for the next 6 days and 23 hours news anchors around the world would crucify my plight on the 6:00 news and any chance they got to online.
It doesn't matter that I make less than $20,000 a year, and that I have made less than that for the past 8 years consecutively. It doesn't matter that my family went without a vehicle for four years in an area with no public transportation, no nearby grocery stores, and no roads conducive to auto and cycling traffic. They wouldn't care that I've been taking student loans trying to get an education and have low grades due to being over-stressed from working full-time and going to school full-time. None of those things would matter.
Because I'm not a minority.
Greenday has a song, it kinda goes along the lines of what I'm saying, well, I'm not sure because it's been a while since I've listened to it. The title is this:
I want to be a minority.
Wake Up America
This was a forward from a person whom I consider to be a reliable source, I chose to post this as it opened my eyes to how closed our eyes have been. Perhaps this is due in part to our media's own prerogatives which govern the information they Choose to let come back to us. If it doesn't promote them, if it doesn't make them sound good frequently we never hear about it. A lot of this I was too young to know about, or remember, but it's good to have certain things brought to your attention, even if only to think about...
When WW III Started****1979This is not very long, but very informative. You have to read the catalogueof events in this brief piece. Then, ask yourself how anyone can take theposition that all we have to do is bring our troops home from Iraq, sitback, reset the snooze alarm, go back to sleep, and no one will ever botherus again. In case you missed it, World War III began in November 1979...That alarm has been ringing for years.US Navy Captain Ouimette is the Executive Officer at Naval Air Station,Pensacola , Florida . Here is a copy of the speech he gave last month. It isan accurate account of why we are in so much trouble today and why thisaction is so necessary.AMERICA NEEDS TO WAKE UP!That's what we think we heard on the 11th of September 2001 (When more than3,000 Americans were killed) and maybe it was, but I think it should havebeen 'Get Out of Bed!' In fact, I think the alarm clock has been buzzingsince 1979 and we have continued to hit the snooze button and roll over fora few more minutes of peaceful sleep since then.It was a cool fall day in November 1979 in a country going through areligious and political upheaval when a group of Iranian students attackedand seized the American Embassy in Tehran . This seizure was an outrightattack on American soil; it was an attack that held the world's mostpowerful country hostage and paralyzed a Presidency.. The attack on thissovereign U. S. Embassy set the stage for events to follow for the next 25years.America was still reeling from the aftermath of the Vietnam experience andhad a serious threat from the Soviet Union when then, President Carter, hadto do something. He chose to conduct a clandestine raid in the desert. Theill-fated mission ended in ruin, but stood as a symbol of America'sinability to deal with terrorism.America's military had been decimated and down sized/right sized since theend of the Vietnam War. A poorly trained, poorly equipped and poorlyorganized military was called on to execute a complex mission that wasdoomed from the start.Shortly after the Tehran experience, Americans began to be kidnapped andkilled throughout the Middle East . America could do little to protect hercitizens living and working abroad. The attacks against US soil continued.In April of 1983 a large vehicle packed with high explosives was driveninto the US Embassy compound in Beirut When it explodes, it kills 63 people.The alarm went off again and America hit the Snooze Button once more.Then just six short months later in 1983 a large truck heavily laden downwith over 2500 pounds of TNT smashed through the main gate of the US MarineCorps headquarters in Beirut and 241 US servicemen are killed. Americamourns her dead and hit the Snooze Button once more.Two months later in December 1983, another truck loaded with explosives isdriven into the US Embassy in Kuwait , and America continues her slumber.The following year, in September 1984, another van was driven into the gateof the US Embassy in Beirut and America slept.Soon the terrorism spreads to Europe . In April 1985 a bomb explodes in arestaurant frequented by US soldiers in MadridThen in August 1985 a Volkswagen loaded with explosives is driven into themain gate of the US Air Force Base at Rhein-Main, 22 are killed and thesnooze alarm is buzzing louder and louder as US interests are continuallyattacked.Fifty-nine days later in 1985 a cruise ship, the Achille Lauro is hijackedand we watched as an American in a wheelchair is singled out of thepassenger list and executed.The terrorists then shift their tactics to bombing civilian airliners whenthey bomb TWA Flight 840 in April of 1986 that killed 4 and the most tragicbombing, Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie , Scotland in 1988 , killing 259.The wake up alarm is getting louder and louder.The terrorists decide to bring the fight to America . In January 1993 , twoCIA agents are shot and killed as they enter CIA headquarters in Langley ,VirginiaThe following month, February 1993 , a group of terrorists are arrestedafter a rented van packed with explosives is driven into the undergroundparking garage of the World Trade Center in New York City . Six people arekilled and over 1000 are injured. Still this is a crime and not an act ofwar? The Snooze alarm is depressed again.Then in November 1995 a car bomb explodes at a US military complex in RiyadhSaudi Arabia killing seven service men and women.A few months later in June of 1996 , another truck bomb explodes only 35yards from the US military compound in Dhahran , Saudi Arabia . It destroysthe Khobar Towers , a US Air Force barracks, killing 19 and injuring over500. The terrorists are getting braver and smarter as they see that Americadoes not respond decisively.They move to coordinate their attacks in a simultaneous attack on two USembassies in Kenya and Tanzania .. These attacks were planned withprecision. They kill 224. America responds with cruise missile attacks andgoes back to sleep.The USS Cole was docked in the port of Aden, Yemen for refueling on 12October 2000 , when a small craft pulled along side the ship and explodedkilling 17 US Navy Sailors. Attacking a US War Ship is an act of war, but wesent the FBI to investigate the crime and went back to sleep.And of course you know the events of 11 September 2001. Most Americans thinkthis was the first attack against US soil or in America . How wrong theyare. America has been under a constant attack since 1979 and we chose to hitthe snooze alarm and roll over and go back to sleep.In the news lately we have seen lots of finger pointing from every highofficials in government over what they knew and what they didn't know. Butif you've read the papers and paid a little attention I think you can seeexactly what they knew. You don't have to be in the FBI or CIA or on theNational Security Council to see the pattern that has been developing since1979.I think we have been in a war for the past 25 years and it will continueuntil we as a people decide enough is enough. America needs to 'Get out ofBed' and act decisively now. America has been changed forever.. We have tobe ready to pay the price and make the sacrifice to ensure our way of lifecontinues. We cannot afford to keep hitting the snooze button again andagain and roll over and go back to sleep.After the attack on Pearl Harbor , Admiral Yamamoto said '... it seems allwe have done is awakened a sleeping giant.' This is the message we need todisseminate to terrorists around the world.This is not a political thing to be hashed over in an election year, this isan AMERICAN thing. This is about our Freedom and the Freedom of our childrenin years to come.If you believe in this please forward it to as many people as you canespecially to the young people and all those who dozed off in history classand who seem so quick to protest such a necessary military action. If youdon't believe it, just delete it and go back to sleep.
When WW III Started****1979This is not very long, but very informative. You have to read the catalogueof events in this brief piece. Then, ask yourself how anyone can take theposition that all we have to do is bring our troops home from Iraq, sitback, reset the snooze alarm, go back to sleep, and no one will ever botherus again. In case you missed it, World War III began in November 1979...That alarm has been ringing for years.US Navy Captain Ouimette is the Executive Officer at Naval Air Station,Pensacola , Florida . Here is a copy of the speech he gave last month. It isan accurate account of why we are in so much trouble today and why thisaction is so necessary.AMERICA NEEDS TO WAKE UP!That's what we think we heard on the 11th of September 2001 (When more than3,000 Americans were killed) and maybe it was, but I think it should havebeen 'Get Out of Bed!' In fact, I think the alarm clock has been buzzingsince 1979 and we have continued to hit the snooze button and roll over fora few more minutes of peaceful sleep since then.It was a cool fall day in November 1979 in a country going through areligious and political upheaval when a group of Iranian students attackedand seized the American Embassy in Tehran . This seizure was an outrightattack on American soil; it was an attack that held the world's mostpowerful country hostage and paralyzed a Presidency.. The attack on thissovereign U. S. Embassy set the stage for events to follow for the next 25years.America was still reeling from the aftermath of the Vietnam experience andhad a serious threat from the Soviet Union when then, President Carter, hadto do something. He chose to conduct a clandestine raid in the desert. Theill-fated mission ended in ruin, but stood as a symbol of America'sinability to deal with terrorism.America's military had been decimated and down sized/right sized since theend of the Vietnam War. A poorly trained, poorly equipped and poorlyorganized military was called on to execute a complex mission that wasdoomed from the start.Shortly after the Tehran experience, Americans began to be kidnapped andkilled throughout the Middle East . America could do little to protect hercitizens living and working abroad. The attacks against US soil continued.In April of 1983 a large vehicle packed with high explosives was driveninto the US Embassy compound in Beirut When it explodes, it kills 63 people.The alarm went off again and America hit the Snooze Button once more.Then just six short months later in 1983 a large truck heavily laden downwith over 2500 pounds of TNT smashed through the main gate of the US MarineCorps headquarters in Beirut and 241 US servicemen are killed. Americamourns her dead and hit the Snooze Button once more.Two months later in December 1983, another truck loaded with explosives isdriven into the US Embassy in Kuwait , and America continues her slumber.The following year, in September 1984, another van was driven into the gateof the US Embassy in Beirut and America slept.Soon the terrorism spreads to Europe . In April 1985 a bomb explodes in arestaurant frequented by US soldiers in MadridThen in August 1985 a Volkswagen loaded with explosives is driven into themain gate of the US Air Force Base at Rhein-Main, 22 are killed and thesnooze alarm is buzzing louder and louder as US interests are continuallyattacked.Fifty-nine days later in 1985 a cruise ship, the Achille Lauro is hijackedand we watched as an American in a wheelchair is singled out of thepassenger list and executed.The terrorists then shift their tactics to bombing civilian airliners whenthey bomb TWA Flight 840 in April of 1986 that killed 4 and the most tragicbombing, Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie , Scotland in 1988 , killing 259.The wake up alarm is getting louder and louder.The terrorists decide to bring the fight to America . In January 1993 , twoCIA agents are shot and killed as they enter CIA headquarters in Langley ,VirginiaThe following month, February 1993 , a group of terrorists are arrestedafter a rented van packed with explosives is driven into the undergroundparking garage of the World Trade Center in New York City . Six people arekilled and over 1000 are injured. Still this is a crime and not an act ofwar? The Snooze alarm is depressed again.Then in November 1995 a car bomb explodes at a US military complex in RiyadhSaudi Arabia killing seven service men and women.A few months later in June of 1996 , another truck bomb explodes only 35yards from the US military compound in Dhahran , Saudi Arabia . It destroysthe Khobar Towers , a US Air Force barracks, killing 19 and injuring over500. The terrorists are getting braver and smarter as they see that Americadoes not respond decisively.They move to coordinate their attacks in a simultaneous attack on two USembassies in Kenya and Tanzania .. These attacks were planned withprecision. They kill 224. America responds with cruise missile attacks andgoes back to sleep.The USS Cole was docked in the port of Aden, Yemen for refueling on 12October 2000 , when a small craft pulled along side the ship and explodedkilling 17 US Navy Sailors. Attacking a US War Ship is an act of war, but wesent the FBI to investigate the crime and went back to sleep.And of course you know the events of 11 September 2001. Most Americans thinkthis was the first attack against US soil or in America . How wrong theyare. America has been under a constant attack since 1979 and we chose to hitthe snooze alarm and roll over and go back to sleep.In the news lately we have seen lots of finger pointing from every highofficials in government over what they knew and what they didn't know. Butif you've read the papers and paid a little attention I think you can seeexactly what they knew. You don't have to be in the FBI or CIA or on theNational Security Council to see the pattern that has been developing since1979.I think we have been in a war for the past 25 years and it will continueuntil we as a people decide enough is enough. America needs to 'Get out ofBed' and act decisively now. America has been changed forever.. We have tobe ready to pay the price and make the sacrifice to ensure our way of lifecontinues. We cannot afford to keep hitting the snooze button again andagain and roll over and go back to sleep.After the attack on Pearl Harbor , Admiral Yamamoto said '... it seems allwe have done is awakened a sleeping giant.' This is the message we need todisseminate to terrorists around the world.This is not a political thing to be hashed over in an election year, this isan AMERICAN thing. This is about our Freedom and the Freedom of our childrenin years to come.If you believe in this please forward it to as many people as you canespecially to the young people and all those who dozed off in history classand who seem so quick to protest such a necessary military action. If youdon't believe it, just delete it and go back to sleep.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Artistic Discretion
I found out recently that back in 97-98 or so BYU had a show come to their Art Gallery which caused quite a stir. The cause was this sculpture, it was censored out of the show due to (as I heard it) "too racy". I'm sure someone reading this is saying "wow, bored" or "yeah" or "if it's too racy why are you bringing it up?"
Due to the angle I don't think this is showing terribly too much as a sculpture, I do want to make a couple points though, and perhaps begin your Thoughts discussing with your Morals as to why this happened.
In my honest opinion I feel there is no fine line between art and pornography if it shows that which is private in a general open sense.
Is there a reason for the madness? I see the reasoning in wanting to see correct form and posture, line, contour, definition, etc, and even the ability to be able to depict that correctly rather than depicting clothing which "could lie" about ones true shape. Oddly through the renaissance there was the push for perfection in various art mediums and all particularly seemed to want to "nail" the human form perfectly, and there tends to be a good deal of clothless persons being depicted throughout various time periods in the name of art.
Does showing the human form depreciate it's value?
No more than having 4 billion people on the planet with p-o-s cameras depreciates the value of a picture. Considering the amount of people in the world with cell-phone cameras, cheap point and shoot cameras, and even professional line cameras (amateur/entry-level included) I feel like the value of a good photograph has been greatly depreciated. I feel this principle travels seemlessly across the board with most things.
Everyone knowing something about technical support but not enough to be helpful when it comes to something advanced (sorry Tech support people from India, but you're depreciating the quality of help from a fully professionaly trained technician), if you're not seeing how this translates across the board from career to career then I suggest coming back in a couple days to see if it makes more sense (some times new principles are like that, taking time to sink in to their true meaning).
So, does making art of a person in the nude depreciate the value of the human form? Yes, I believe it does. There is nothing more beautiful than the human form, therefore there is nothing more terrible to abuse than making the most elite form as common as dust on a road.
Does religion play a part of it?
It can, it should. A persons religious beliefs should supercede their secular beliefs. Yes science has proved that a glass of wine CAN be a health thing, many religions proclaim that abstaining from wine, and all other forms of alchohol, is even better for you. Religious beliefs should supercede a persons secular beliefs. This may be some cause for alarm in some people. It should.
"What if God tells a person to kill me?"
Does your God see fit for you to die? Is it a horrible thing that you die? Have you placed yourself into the kind of living style that will allow you to live happily after this life? If your belief system is such that your faith is sufficient should something like this occur?
Justice is universal, regardless of beliefs in Diety, justice is justice and if someone does you some injustice than at some point in their existence the injustice will be corrected. Justice is a tennet of every religion, every diety on earth holds true to it, rest assured justice will be dealt.
Perhaps this is a far tangent from the original starting point... Hopefully you can see the common ground it all shares.
If we perform an injustice to the human form by presenting it unrespectfully in the eyes of society or deity than there is some justice to be dealt. Is there anything wrong with showing beauty of form? No. Is there something wrong with showing beauty in form without protecting the sanctity of something that was once held sacred? Let your conscience, and your religious beliefs dictate that to you.
I didn't say to let your society be your guide. Why? Because it becomes so easy to let a person say "everyone is doing it" or "I feel bad about this, but it's so common and normal in todays world that I guess it's ok". Leaving your personal beliefs and morals to a common group is the easy way out, it's giving society the blame for when you do something bad, because "well, THEY said it was OK" rather than taking responsibility for your own actions.
So maybe I went on another tangent, but I think it pulls it together. If not, then write about it, figure more of it out, piece it together yourself and see if your life relates to what your beliefs really are.
Monday, September 15, 2008
some videos everyone should experience at some point
And another
that's all for now, uploading these takes FOREVER!! (but hey, it's free! if I was paying for this service I might have a right to be upset).
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Pituitary
So, as it would turn out it's only Erin's Prolactin that's being affected by the tumor at the moment, as such she'll be starting a pill twice a week and in a month or so getting another blood test or two done to see what her levels are at, basically checking to see if the pill she'll be taking is helping. I'm sure in a year or two there'll be another MRI and undoubtedly between now and then she'll have multiple blood tests done to continue to monitor the progress with the pill. They say that with this kind usually the tumor disappears within the first year or two of taking the pill, so hopefully this should nip it in the bud. =)
Sunday, August 31, 2008
if you were wondering
So our Dr has had results for the past three days or so, and we've not been told anything, which tells me one thing... "There's too many self-indulgent weenies in this town with too much bloody money!" (Nicholas Cage, Gone in Sixty Seconds)... Ok, so it doesn't tell me that I've just had that line stuck in my head for a little while today...But it does tell me that Dr's stink! And the sky is purple... (if you're looking through rose colored glasses)
Monday, August 25, 2008
Vampires
Tomorrow we'll be getting some more input, Erin went to get her blood sucked saturday and again this morning (they couldn't find the veins yesterday or today so she's been left with some nice yellow and purple) :( We'll be able to call tommorow morning to get some results back from the Dr. in SLC.
In other news, Erin still hasn't been able to find a job, we found out since we don't have any children we can't get any help financially from the state unless I'm making less than $320 (ish) a month, and I'll be making just over $600 working part time (of course, that would also require us to both work thirty hours a week at about a dollar an hour), so we're crossing our fingers, and I'm hoping Erin will have something arranged by the end of the week. Anyway, basically right now we're in between, just trying to figure out what's going on.
In other news, Erin still hasn't been able to find a job, we found out since we don't have any children we can't get any help financially from the state unless I'm making less than $320 (ish) a month, and I'll be making just over $600 working part time (of course, that would also require us to both work thirty hours a week at about a dollar an hour), so we're crossing our fingers, and I'm hoping Erin will have something arranged by the end of the week. Anyway, basically right now we're in between, just trying to figure out what's going on.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Microadenoma
We went and saw a specialist today. I kind of suspected this (hadn't mentioned this to my wife...) but they're going to need to do some more testing to figure out exactly what is going on... Basically seeing a heightened level of prolactin tells them very little and they're going to be testing more for more hormones allowing them a better idea of if the tumor is a prolactoma (adenoma affecting prolactin) or if it's causing a rise in other hormones as well. If it's just a raise in prolactin than a pill twice a week for a year or two will not only cancel out the heightened levels of prolactin but can also cause the tumor to both get smaller and go away. However, if it's causing certain hormones to be released causing excessive weight gain or growth hormones (possibly explaining the bone growth on the back of her head...completely non-noticable if you don't know to look for it...) to be heightened or other hormones that would cause issues, then they might need to go in for surgery. Hopefully she can pop a pill for a couple years and be done with it, she'll be doing the blood work early next week, and possibly starting a new job. So, next week will hopefully be exciting and bring new good news for all! :) Much love
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
MicroAdenoma Pituitary Tumor
A little background before I begin. I completely erased everything on my blog as I created it for a class and want it to serve dual purposes for both academic and personal means. To do this I felt like I should start from scratch, with the idea that if a person knows something about the author they better understand their works.
The last two weeks have been very emotional for me. My wife was having an extremely light period (aka spotting only a little on one day) and had other signs of being pregnant, which had us highly concerned as I was quitting my full-time job to take a work-study job, and she was working part-time hoping to get hired on full-time (the company then merged with another company and let her go entirely as she was in a temp-to-hire position). With these concerns we took this possiblity very seriously and went in to my family Dr. He's been the person who I always remember going to, and besides when I've been in a hospital, out of state, or he's not been available I've never really gone to any other Dr. He did a pregnancy test, (6th one if you include the 5 over-the-counter tests we'd already failed) and it turned out negative (not a surprise at this point), but that didn't explain my wife's problem, she was lactating... Anyway, he did some testing to see if her thyroid was acting up but it looked normal as far as symptoms go. So then on to bloodwork.
The blood work came back, not pregnant, nor did she have a thyroid issue. She did have an elevated level or prolactin, which is the hormone your pituitary gland releases which ultimately tells a persons body to produce milk and lactate. Unfortunately this result leads to further testing as (apparently) past (medical) experiences have proven it best to get an MRI (Magnetic Resonance Image) in order to decide what exactly is or was going on. Test results came back several days early, and my wife slept through the Dr's call, and missed him when she called back. She was later able to get a hold of the nurse there, who informed her that she has a tumor. It's in the pituitary gland (obviously affecting it as were evident in her heightened prolactin levels), and fortunately is both about 3 milimeters in size (so it's a Micro, as 10 milimeters or larger would put it as a macroadenoma) and is benign.
It's still a tumor.
Further research on my part found that less than one percent of these tumors are malignant, so there's a very small chance it would even change to cancer as it's currently benign, and they occur less often in men though in men they're more likely to be missed for a longer time leading to blindness from their subsequent growth due to their being missed for so long. I may be misinterpreting this, but if I read it right one persons experience with this condition she was told by her Dr. that 25 in 100 people don't need any treatment for this condition (wether medication or surgery was being specified in this statement I don't know, but it's what I caught from the blog post). So there is a possibility that nothing may need to be done. I lied to myself and told me that everything would be fine, I had been ever since the part where we thought we might be pregnant, and from the time that before we found Erin has a tumor that we found online that the heightened prolactin levels (we found out it could be a tumor a couple days before we found out that it was a tumor). So, for two weeks I've been lying to myself, and believing it.
I wouldn't say I'm familiar with death, though I don't think I'm a stranger to it's presence. I've lost a grandfather, a grandmother, a cousin, a close friend (when I was still very young), there are several that I associated with in high school who've since died. My middle-older brother (Jacob) tried to block a piece of shrapnel with his head (ok, so he wasn't trying to block it with his head, but it still hit him in a couple places above the shoulders, though I can't recall where), that was while he was in Iraq. My niece was born with the left side of her heart undeveloped and has had three major surgeries on her heart (I believe open-heart, but I'm afraid to make the open statement without being fully sure of it). I have rolled a car two and a half times and walked away from it with only a knot in my shoulder (from hitting the side brace), and some minor scratches on my feet (and ironically the scratches were made through shoes and socks which were entirely unharmed). I don't feel a stranger to these sort of situations or experiences.
I have hated Will Ferrel with a passion, movies like Anchor Man and Talladega Nights seem to me like a waste of time, and overall make the world a more dumb in their very existence.
Stranger than fiction. It is probably the absolute best movie I have seen in a year. It was nothing like what I expected. It also helped me to see something so completely different in relation to death than I have thought through to seeing. It is a completely difference experience to die unexpectedly than it is to die knowing you're dying. During the ending sequences of the movie (perhaps last chapter or three) it clearly makes this distinction and Will's character is given another chance at life with a zest previously unexperienced.
The driving point to me was more of how my experiences were more detached from myself than what I'm currently experiencing. My grandmother, grandfather, cousin, none of them I expected to die, and wasn't terribly close to them, though now I wish I had been. My brother and niece, well, they didn't die for one, and for two we knew my brother being in the Army could end in sadness, it's something we all accepted (or tried to) when he joined (bless his heart for what he's doing!), and there's always chances for a newborn to have unforseen complications. Not to mention when Valarie was born I was serving as a missionary for the LDS church and had some delay in receiving information of her birth and physical condition as I was on the other side of the country.
My wife being diagnosed with a tumor is something completely different for me. Though her tumor ranks in as being 13% of all kinds of tumors found, and even though it's benign and quite treatable (especially at it's small size), I'm being faced with something I'm not altogether familiar with.
fear.
I can't remember the last time I was truly afraid. Maybe it was going down the steep face of sand mountain (located nearish to Delta Utah) screaming "oh s***" repeatedly as my friend was driving the four wheeler I was on back of full bore on a dark night and he turned off the headlights (mom, did I ever tell you about that??).... Maybe it was after I rolled my car two and a half times (though I felt completely calm when it stopped, though paramedics and dr's were freaking out pretty good.....go figure)... There is connection strange to me that I am feeling fear though the chance of there being a complication in any part of treatment, removal, or living with this tumor. And it's not even in my own head. Something in that movie triggered a response in me... stupid dogs won't stop barking and let me think about what I'm trying to say...
I'm afraid of heights. I love climbing, rock climbing even, but when it comes to repelling I'm a big wimp, I like to talk it up, but my legs are weaker than weak when I'm leaning off the cliff. In every time when it's been a personal experience with death, or danger, there's always been an adrenaline rush, and I think that pushes fear from a person. (lights flashing above my head "yes, this is what parents tell their children while they're growing up and want to play in the highway with cars") I don't know when I've felt fear like this in my life. I remember bawling when I was a kid and gasping for air between sobs, of course those times were because I was caught being naughty and hoped to cry my way out of it...., but never in my life until now do I feel like I have cried like I did tonight. Except perhaps at my grandfathers funeral, he died on my birthday, and two weeks before my family had been on vacation in California visiting him along with a family reunion, and I felt like I'd been able to really get to know, appreciate and love him, and then he was ripped away from me, on my birthday.
Some times crying is a way to express happiness, other times sadness, and now I realize it can also be used to express great fear. It is likely it can be used to release emotions of countless enumeration, though I'm sure I'd rather not find out from personal experience. There is a powerful cleansing, washing attribute in crying, by which one is able to release the energies of an emotion, and carry on for another day with a slightly lesser-load than they previously bore.
We have an appointment with an endocrinologist tomorrow, at which point we'll be finding out hopefully where this is all going. My sister-in-law just related to us a friend of hers had this condition, went in for surgery, was released the next day and within a few short days was completely back to normal (obviously normal doesn't include room for tumors in this context)...
We know there have been many prayers in our behalf, so far as we know our names have been put on the prayer roll of four temples at this point. I can't express to the extent that I want to just how appreciative we are for this, we've felt an outpouring of love from friends and family which has helped us to lift ourselves and keep going despite what may have been a dreary outlook. After tomorrow we'll know more information, and be able to put another post up with the updated information.
After this my next big concern is what I'm going to do with my life. I'm not entirely sure I want to be a photographer. I know I love it, and it's probably more that I don't know what I'm going to do with my degree once I have it (and it's only about 1.5 years away at this point)... I've always considered doing something in writing, but honestly that's too many academic pointless papers to write for my taste. I'm sure Janele (oldest sister) must agree with me on that at least to an extent...as she was (is??) an English major (she graduated with a bachelors, but isn't going to school currently, so is she still technically an English major??)...
I'm sure by this point you've either moved on to another blog, are disinterested, or are some sort of glutton for punishment in written form as you've made it this far. On a side note, if you know me well in person and have ever seen me pause in mid-sentence, perhaps shake my head, and somewhat carry on or jump onto an obscurely related tangent then I hope I can add some light to the perplexion. All the times I jump into () are times when my thoughts are running on the sideline adding things that most times weren't in my original thoughts for what I'm saying, and a lot of times they come out of no where and I have to pause to see if they'll work with what I'm saying or if I should wave to them as they pass by in the gulf-stream of the mind.
The last two weeks have been very emotional for me. My wife was having an extremely light period (aka spotting only a little on one day) and had other signs of being pregnant, which had us highly concerned as I was quitting my full-time job to take a work-study job, and she was working part-time hoping to get hired on full-time (the company then merged with another company and let her go entirely as she was in a temp-to-hire position). With these concerns we took this possiblity very seriously and went in to my family Dr. He's been the person who I always remember going to, and besides when I've been in a hospital, out of state, or he's not been available I've never really gone to any other Dr. He did a pregnancy test, (6th one if you include the 5 over-the-counter tests we'd already failed) and it turned out negative (not a surprise at this point), but that didn't explain my wife's problem, she was lactating... Anyway, he did some testing to see if her thyroid was acting up but it looked normal as far as symptoms go. So then on to bloodwork.
The blood work came back, not pregnant, nor did she have a thyroid issue. She did have an elevated level or prolactin, which is the hormone your pituitary gland releases which ultimately tells a persons body to produce milk and lactate. Unfortunately this result leads to further testing as (apparently) past (medical) experiences have proven it best to get an MRI (Magnetic Resonance Image) in order to decide what exactly is or was going on. Test results came back several days early, and my wife slept through the Dr's call, and missed him when she called back. She was later able to get a hold of the nurse there, who informed her that she has a tumor. It's in the pituitary gland (obviously affecting it as were evident in her heightened prolactin levels), and fortunately is both about 3 milimeters in size (so it's a Micro, as 10 milimeters or larger would put it as a macroadenoma) and is benign.
It's still a tumor.
Further research on my part found that less than one percent of these tumors are malignant, so there's a very small chance it would even change to cancer as it's currently benign, and they occur less often in men though in men they're more likely to be missed for a longer time leading to blindness from their subsequent growth due to their being missed for so long. I may be misinterpreting this, but if I read it right one persons experience with this condition she was told by her Dr. that 25 in 100 people don't need any treatment for this condition (wether medication or surgery was being specified in this statement I don't know, but it's what I caught from the blog post). So there is a possibility that nothing may need to be done. I lied to myself and told me that everything would be fine, I had been ever since the part where we thought we might be pregnant, and from the time that before we found Erin has a tumor that we found online that the heightened prolactin levels (we found out it could be a tumor a couple days before we found out that it was a tumor). So, for two weeks I've been lying to myself, and believing it.
I wouldn't say I'm familiar with death, though I don't think I'm a stranger to it's presence. I've lost a grandfather, a grandmother, a cousin, a close friend (when I was still very young), there are several that I associated with in high school who've since died. My middle-older brother (Jacob) tried to block a piece of shrapnel with his head (ok, so he wasn't trying to block it with his head, but it still hit him in a couple places above the shoulders, though I can't recall where), that was while he was in Iraq. My niece was born with the left side of her heart undeveloped and has had three major surgeries on her heart (I believe open-heart, but I'm afraid to make the open statement without being fully sure of it). I have rolled a car two and a half times and walked away from it with only a knot in my shoulder (from hitting the side brace), and some minor scratches on my feet (and ironically the scratches were made through shoes and socks which were entirely unharmed). I don't feel a stranger to these sort of situations or experiences.
I have hated Will Ferrel with a passion, movies like Anchor Man and Talladega Nights seem to me like a waste of time, and overall make the world a more dumb in their very existence.
Stranger than fiction. It is probably the absolute best movie I have seen in a year. It was nothing like what I expected. It also helped me to see something so completely different in relation to death than I have thought through to seeing. It is a completely difference experience to die unexpectedly than it is to die knowing you're dying. During the ending sequences of the movie (perhaps last chapter or three) it clearly makes this distinction and Will's character is given another chance at life with a zest previously unexperienced.
The driving point to me was more of how my experiences were more detached from myself than what I'm currently experiencing. My grandmother, grandfather, cousin, none of them I expected to die, and wasn't terribly close to them, though now I wish I had been. My brother and niece, well, they didn't die for one, and for two we knew my brother being in the Army could end in sadness, it's something we all accepted (or tried to) when he joined (bless his heart for what he's doing!), and there's always chances for a newborn to have unforseen complications. Not to mention when Valarie was born I was serving as a missionary for the LDS church and had some delay in receiving information of her birth and physical condition as I was on the other side of the country.
My wife being diagnosed with a tumor is something completely different for me. Though her tumor ranks in as being 13% of all kinds of tumors found, and even though it's benign and quite treatable (especially at it's small size), I'm being faced with something I'm not altogether familiar with.
fear.
I can't remember the last time I was truly afraid. Maybe it was going down the steep face of sand mountain (located nearish to Delta Utah) screaming "oh s***" repeatedly as my friend was driving the four wheeler I was on back of full bore on a dark night and he turned off the headlights (mom, did I ever tell you about that??).... Maybe it was after I rolled my car two and a half times (though I felt completely calm when it stopped, though paramedics and dr's were freaking out pretty good.....go figure)... There is connection strange to me that I am feeling fear though the chance of there being a complication in any part of treatment, removal, or living with this tumor. And it's not even in my own head. Something in that movie triggered a response in me... stupid dogs won't stop barking and let me think about what I'm trying to say...
I'm afraid of heights. I love climbing, rock climbing even, but when it comes to repelling I'm a big wimp, I like to talk it up, but my legs are weaker than weak when I'm leaning off the cliff. In every time when it's been a personal experience with death, or danger, there's always been an adrenaline rush, and I think that pushes fear from a person. (lights flashing above my head "yes, this is what parents tell their children while they're growing up and want to play in the highway with cars") I don't know when I've felt fear like this in my life. I remember bawling when I was a kid and gasping for air between sobs, of course those times were because I was caught being naughty and hoped to cry my way out of it...., but never in my life until now do I feel like I have cried like I did tonight. Except perhaps at my grandfathers funeral, he died on my birthday, and two weeks before my family had been on vacation in California visiting him along with a family reunion, and I felt like I'd been able to really get to know, appreciate and love him, and then he was ripped away from me, on my birthday.
Some times crying is a way to express happiness, other times sadness, and now I realize it can also be used to express great fear. It is likely it can be used to release emotions of countless enumeration, though I'm sure I'd rather not find out from personal experience. There is a powerful cleansing, washing attribute in crying, by which one is able to release the energies of an emotion, and carry on for another day with a slightly lesser-load than they previously bore.
We have an appointment with an endocrinologist tomorrow, at which point we'll be finding out hopefully where this is all going. My sister-in-law just related to us a friend of hers had this condition, went in for surgery, was released the next day and within a few short days was completely back to normal (obviously normal doesn't include room for tumors in this context)...
We know there have been many prayers in our behalf, so far as we know our names have been put on the prayer roll of four temples at this point. I can't express to the extent that I want to just how appreciative we are for this, we've felt an outpouring of love from friends and family which has helped us to lift ourselves and keep going despite what may have been a dreary outlook. After tomorrow we'll know more information, and be able to put another post up with the updated information.
After this my next big concern is what I'm going to do with my life. I'm not entirely sure I want to be a photographer. I know I love it, and it's probably more that I don't know what I'm going to do with my degree once I have it (and it's only about 1.5 years away at this point)... I've always considered doing something in writing, but honestly that's too many academic pointless papers to write for my taste. I'm sure Janele (oldest sister) must agree with me on that at least to an extent...as she was (is??) an English major (she graduated with a bachelors, but isn't going to school currently, so is she still technically an English major??)...
I'm sure by this point you've either moved on to another blog, are disinterested, or are some sort of glutton for punishment in written form as you've made it this far. On a side note, if you know me well in person and have ever seen me pause in mid-sentence, perhaps shake my head, and somewhat carry on or jump onto an obscurely related tangent then I hope I can add some light to the perplexion. All the times I jump into () are times when my thoughts are running on the sideline adding things that most times weren't in my original thoughts for what I'm saying, and a lot of times they come out of no where and I have to pause to see if they'll work with what I'm saying or if I should wave to them as they pass by in the gulf-stream of the mind.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
